Unfaithful

I wrote this about 2 weeks ago when I found out...
I'm posting it now...

I found out my Master had been cheating on me...
Been being the more operative word
The misdemeanours had happened about a year ago as so I discovered.
On the lead up to the birth of our daughter

I feel maybe if I write about it, it may  reduce the amount of guilt I have over it,

I know I shouldn't but I can't help feel as though I'm less of a woman because he had to go to someone else especially for something I was readily giving him.
Less of a woman because I didn't spot the signs in my spouse who says 'he was happy' but actions suggest otherwise.

In fact I felt more of a woman than I ever have, our pregnancy was amazing,  truly fantastic, I was blooming in delight of becoming a mother again, our sex life out of this world.
So all of the above being, I felt beautiful and loved and I know it wasn't my fault.

The doubts creep in and say otherwise though :/

The pain when I found out was heartbreaking....is heartbreaking...
I couldn't believe he would do that to us...let alone to our unborn child too...

I don't think forgiveness is on the cards
Especially when he can't explain it and I don't understand it

Trying again seems so hard to do when im so hurt and so angry

Why should I let someone treat me this way because I'm bound to them?
What happened to trust and respect and love?
All the things he says he wants from me and I give in buckets.

I truly truly love him so in my head in that love is hope that we can start again

If only I could tell my heart that too.